Thursday, October 19, 2006

Pink Christmas Tree

I have always hated the artificial things that pretend to be real. I hate, for example, light food, or vegetarian fake meat. That is why, up to this point, I have always hated artificial Christmas trees. They do not fool anyone, and yet they stubbornly persist in their mimic in a way that I find most irritating and useless. If these fake Christmas trees looked a little bit less like real trees, and more like representations symbolizing real trees, then I would not be so bothered by them, but as it is I can not stand them.
The problem is that, where I live, we are not allowed to have a real Christmas pine tree, nor do we really have the room to. My wife has wanted to get a plastic Christmas tree for the last couple of years, but I have been strongly against it for the reasons given above. That is why I have decided to get a Pink Christmas Tree this year. No one is going to believe that a Pink Christmas Tree is real for even a moment, but then again a Pink Christmas Tree is not trying to fool anyone into believing. Although it is garish and tacky, a Pink Christmas Tree is absolutely at home and honest about its garishness and tackiness, and so it really does not have the same offensive qualities to it as other fake Christmas trees do, in my opinion. Really, my wife thinks that I am crazy, but a Pink Christmas Tree is the only solution to our Christmas troubles. It is an xmas tree, which she wants, and it is not a cheap facsimile, which is what I want. Instead, it is a very fake mockery.
I have decided to put the Pink Christmas Tree in the window with the lawn flamingos that have nothing to do until next summer anyway. Around them, I will put the most bright, garishly flashing Christmas lights that I can find, and decorate the whole thing with cheap plastic garlands hung with little dollar store quarter bin toys. Then my Pink Christmas Tree will have that look that I have always dreamed of for it, that look of uncompromising falsehood. Maybe next year I will get a purple Christmas tree. I can only imagine what wonders I could work with that one! But for now, the Pink Christmas Tree really hits the spot.